LOOK AT GOD

A friend of mine Jason Cooper (the same one I traveled to Uganda with) has posted this saying a couple of times lately and it has stuck with me … “LOOK AT GOD! God is able to do just what he said he would do … don’t give up on God, because he won’t give up on you. He’s able!”  And the verse, Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Which happens to be written on a notecard posted next to my desk that I put there earlier this summer.

It has stuck with me and sort of sums up one of the hardest, most emotional, most stressful semesters I’ve ever had. In short, I bombed my first test and essentially spent my summer studying myself out of that hole, praying I would pass in the end (sounds ridiculous, but in nursing school it’s possible even that one test will make or break it). The week before my final I figured out I needed to make at least a 76 to pass the class. I knew this wasn’t impossible, I hadn’t made below an 82 on a test except that awful first one. But I still spent ALL semester questioning and doubting myself. Am I smart enough? Am I good enough? Why did I actually think I could do this? After every test I called my mom or dad crying. And sent so many angry or frustrated texts to my close friends. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being in school for so long it’s that I’m an anxious test taker and as soon as I feel like something hasn’t gone as well as I’d hoped I psych myself out and make it even harder for myself to succeed.

But really it’s not about me and what I can or can’t accomplish. It’s about having faith and trusting that my God is able but needs me to give it all to Him so He can GUIDE me and walk WITH me through even the not so easy and frustrating moments. I feel like this is one of the many ways God is teaching me to quit doubting and if I would always look first to Him and trust in him then I would have no need to be anxious or angry or feel like I should just give up.  It’s not about me; it’s what God is trying to do through me; and I need to stop getting in the way of that because I know God won't give up on me. 

I also have to say, God has placed SUCH amazing people in my life. People like Jason Cooper, who without knowing it are encouraging me. And my clinical group at school that I get to be with on the floor at the hospital. They are an amazing group of women who again, probably without knowing it help encourage me and give me confidence. My clinical instructor this summer was also an amazing woman with such a calming presence, which was exactly what I needed. She also happens to be headed to Kenya on a medical mission team the end of this month J

LOOK AT GOD … HE WON’T GIVE UP ON YOU … HE IS ABLE!

On Wednesday I start the next semester of nursing school. Prayers for my sanity … hahaha, only sort of kidding!!

And for days when I just want to be anywhere but where I am (particularly in Uganda loving on the children who are always on my heart) I also have this posted on a notecard on my desk … from a Jesus Calling book:

“Someday you will dance light-footed on the high peaks; but for now, your walk is often plodding and heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend. Stay on the path I have selected for you.”