LOOK AT GOD

A friend of mine Jason Cooper (the same one I traveled to Uganda with) has posted this saying a couple of times lately and it has stuck with me … “LOOK AT GOD! God is able to do just what he said he would do … don’t give up on God, because he won’t give up on you. He’s able!”  And the verse, Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Which happens to be written on a notecard posted next to my desk that I put there earlier this summer.

It has stuck with me and sort of sums up one of the hardest, most emotional, most stressful semesters I’ve ever had. In short, I bombed my first test and essentially spent my summer studying myself out of that hole, praying I would pass in the end (sounds ridiculous, but in nursing school it’s possible even that one test will make or break it). The week before my final I figured out I needed to make at least a 76 to pass the class. I knew this wasn’t impossible, I hadn’t made below an 82 on a test except that awful first one. But I still spent ALL semester questioning and doubting myself. Am I smart enough? Am I good enough? Why did I actually think I could do this? After every test I called my mom or dad crying. And sent so many angry or frustrated texts to my close friends. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being in school for so long it’s that I’m an anxious test taker and as soon as I feel like something hasn’t gone as well as I’d hoped I psych myself out and make it even harder for myself to succeed.

But really it’s not about me and what I can or can’t accomplish. It’s about having faith and trusting that my God is able but needs me to give it all to Him so He can GUIDE me and walk WITH me through even the not so easy and frustrating moments. I feel like this is one of the many ways God is teaching me to quit doubting and if I would always look first to Him and trust in him then I would have no need to be anxious or angry or feel like I should just give up.  It’s not about me; it’s what God is trying to do through me; and I need to stop getting in the way of that because I know God won't give up on me. 

I also have to say, God has placed SUCH amazing people in my life. People like Jason Cooper, who without knowing it are encouraging me. And my clinical group at school that I get to be with on the floor at the hospital. They are an amazing group of women who again, probably without knowing it help encourage me and give me confidence. My clinical instructor this summer was also an amazing woman with such a calming presence, which was exactly what I needed. She also happens to be headed to Kenya on a medical mission team the end of this month J

LOOK AT GOD … HE WON’T GIVE UP ON YOU … HE IS ABLE!

On Wednesday I start the next semester of nursing school. Prayers for my sanity … hahaha, only sort of kidding!!

And for days when I just want to be anywhere but where I am (particularly in Uganda loving on the children who are always on my heart) I also have this posted on a notecard on my desk … from a Jesus Calling book:

“Someday you will dance light-footed on the high peaks; but for now, your walk is often plodding and heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to My hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend. Stay on the path I have selected for you.”

Forgot to add:

Embrace Uganda's big "Save A Child" fundraiser is coming up on November 29th at Angus Barn. We are hoping to raise enough money to complete the new clinic and provide scholarships for the children in the scholarship program. If you are interested in donating or being a part of the event, check out the EU website. www.embraceuganda.org

I hate/am truly terrified of public speaking and have never been good at presentations. I’ve been told on numerous occasions I talk way to fast, mumble, etc. in everyday life and it only gets worse when I am put in front of a group of people staring at me. I hate being the center of attention and I don’t like all eyes on me. But I have something that God has really laid on my heart and something I have become really passionate about that I WANT and NEED to share with everyone I come in contact with. So while my heart races like it’s about to beat out of my chest, I start sweating profusely, and my words tend to become a jumbled mess, not to mention I will most likely start ugly crying at least once over the course of my spiel … I’m working on overcoming my fear so I can share my experience in Uganda and the stories of the children who have stolen my heart!

I also have this problem with taking compliments. I think a lot of people have this problem … it’s not just me. Last week my best friend Hannah and I did a presentation about our trips to Uganda for Dr. Tippett’s class at Meredith College and it was the first time we’d really received the kind of feedback we did. Immediately afterward Dr. Tippett and Lina were grinning ear to ear obviously excited about what we had shared and told us how inspirational and great it was. To which I simply replies … Thank you, at least I made it through! This was also the first time my mom had heard me do a presentation … of course she hears me talk about it nonstop and has listened to me showing my pictures to tons of people but this was different. She told me how proud she was and how inspiring the presentation was. She left out the part about how terrible I am at public speakingJ. Then we got an email from someone who was in the class that day which just made me cry when I read it. She thanked us for encouraging, inspiring, and motivating her and her classmates to do more for their community and in the world and how much she appreciated us extending God’s love and compassion through our stories and pictures. After I read that I texted Hannah and said first of all go read the email and second … That’s what this is all about. For me, if I can spread God’s love and compassion by sharing the stories of the children I’ve met in Uganda and the experiences that have changed my life … that means more to me than anything else I’ve done in my life.

I don’t get to share my stories as much as I’d like because honestly it scares me but … hearing things like that from people is so encouraging and so motivating for me. I’ve also had the opportunity to share Uganda with some of my new friends here at school. I had one friend text me and say … I know you didn’t invite me but I really want to go to Uganda … uhmm YES PLEASE … let’s go! Then one of Hannah and I’s best friends is ready to go on a trip with us, which will hopefully happen soon. I’ve also had friends tell me how much they love what we’re doing but how can they help us here … in the US. The more we inspire people and share with them God’s love, which for me is through talking about my trips … that’s what it is all about!

Please pray for Katie. I met Katie this summer while I was in Kaihura … she is staying at Home Again while she is receiving treatment and medical attention for her cancer.

Earlier this year Katie came to the clinic in Kaihura to see about an infection and swelling under one of her eyes, tests were done confirming that Katie had some sort of cancer which was causing the swelling. She was going to need to go to Mulago Hospital in Kampala to receive treatment … the staff at Bringing Hope to the Family agreed to assist her family in any way possible to help with the medical bills.

Several months later (this summer) Bringing Hope discovered that Katie had not been receiving any medical care for the cancer and the swelling on her face had doubled in size. She began staying at Home Again a week or two after we got there. She wasn’t going to school so I got to spend a lot of time with her during the day when I was over there. She was always one of the first to give me a hug when I walked in the door in the mornings. She was always right beside me smiling and wanting to hold my hand. She is so sweet and willing to help with the younger children. I’ll NEVER forget the day Chris came to take a picture of her … he was posting a blog to raise funds for her treatment. The kids here love to look at pictures of themselves so of course Chris showed her; after she saw it she came and sat back down next to me and continued coloring with tears in her eyes.

I’m asking you all to please be praying for this sweet sweet little girl … her name is Katie and she is 9 years old. I’ve been told Katie isn’t doing well right now. She is also currently dealing with Tuberculosis and the chicken pox. She is HIV + and her poor little body can’t fight off anything else. Obviously she is also too weak to receive cancer treatment as well. They are taking care of her as best they can at the clinic in Kaihura … they don’t feel that she can make the 4 hour journey to Kampala (imagine the previous blogs about transportation/bumpy roads I’ve posted).  Pray with me!

ALL of the kids at Home Again will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart. I know I’ve said it a million times but it is the honest truth … since I first went to Uganda last summer … not a day goes by that I don’t think about those kids and wonder how they are and what they are doing.

I became especially close to about 15 of the children who are either not in school yet or only go to school for half a day. Each morning after breakfast I would walk over to Home Again and hang out with the kids until lunch time then go back again in the afternoon until dinner time. Sometimes I would bring books or crayons and coloring pages, other times we would spend time outside playing on the jungle gym, sometimes we would sit inside and sing songs, chase each other up and down the hallway, we always found a way to have fun.

I spent quite a bit of time just trying to get to know each individual child. I learned a lot of their stories, where they came from, and found out how they came to Bringing Hope to the Family.

I’m going to try to continue posting blogs now that I’m home so yall can meet some of the kids I got to spend my summer with.

Though we often think of these children as orphans … I know in my heart they are looked after and loved by their Father in Heaven who will always want them and will never fail them. There are no orphans of God. It is by God’s grace that these children were brought to Home Again to be taken care of. And I have seen God’s unfailing love for each and every one of these kids. Their needs are always met even when it seems impossible. They also have incredibly strong and loving women looking after them here on Earth … Mama Eva, Mama Jackie, and Mama Foster.  

If you haven’t heard the song Orphans of God … go to youtube … and listen.

This is Kabahumuza Donnas. She is one of the sweetest little cuddle bugs in the house but so strong willed and determined when she wants something. I could spend all day long holding her. She always does this thing where she sucks one thumb and holds one ear. And when she does it while she is smiling or laughing I die inside because she is absolutely adorable!

Donnas’s father is unknown and her mother is mentally ill. Donnas was removed from the care of her mother after she was rescued by a bystander as her mother tried to drown her in a nearby river.

She always gets the giggles when you give her a kiss and she is always mischievous with a guilty grin on her face.  One day in church she made me play a silly game with her and I got sucked in. She was sitting on my lap and would continually drop her flips flops off her feet each and every time I put them back on with that little grin on her face. I finally got tired of leaning over every 3 minutes to pick up her shoes and gave her my money for my offering to keep her entertained. It was time to put the offering in the basket so I carried her up there and told her to drop it in the basket. She refused ... so I helped her put it in the basket, she looked me in the eye and began howling! We had to play the flip flop game again ...

I spent about 15 minutes picking crayon out of her teeth after this. If she wasnt eating the crayons she was eating the paper.

Reading books and playing with shoes.  

Donnas with Mama Eva

I miss her sweet little face giggling while I gave her kisses each morning. Oh, what I would give to give her a big hug right now or swing on the swing set with her in my lap!

Since the beginning of the summer I’ve frequently had these “I can’t believe I’m really in Africa” pinch me moments. While I’ve been here in Kaihura my main role has been working down at Home Again, the orphanage. Almost every morning as I walk down the hill I am greeted by children running to the door shouting and waving at me … it makes my heart smile each and every time. The other day I was having a hard day, all the kids were screaming and crying, spitting and hitting and I was stressed out to say the least. I decided it was time to go outside … I didn’t care if it was muddy. As I was sitting on the swing, swinging with Bridget in my lap, I was looking around and I couldn’t help but feel so blessed and so happy to be right there … scream crying children and all. I had one of those moments where I couldn’t stop smiling and thanking God for giving me this opportunity. I was brought back really quick as one of the children on the monkey bars spit and missed the kid he was aiming for and it hit me instead. I laughed … is that bad?

These moments also come all the time while I’m walking to and from the trading center, or Home Again, or the clinic. For some reason as I’m walking I always find myself talking to God, wondering how I got so lucky to be wind up in this little village in Uganda surrounded by the most amazing people I’ve ever met. They are so warm and so welcoming and love me just the way I am.

I know one of my favorite memories from this trip with be my talks with Faith. Almost every night after dinner and a shower I head over to her room or sometimes she’ll come over to my room and lay on an empty bed and we just sit and talk. I love it!! We talk about anything and everything. How I ended up here, why I came back, what my church at home is like, how the day was, stories about the children, how are my family and friends (especially Hannah … Faith misses you … you need to learn to answer your phone … I know you’re working but COME ONNN!! Hahah). I’ll miss this for sure. Faith is so easy to talk to and so funny but she doesn’t even notice it and I always leave feeling a little bit wiser.

“Were in Africa” … For the 4^th of July we were invited to a party in Fort Portal. There is an American family that has been living there for 15 years. We went with the Sasser’s, the American family living here in Kaihura who have been so great to us!! We met several other Americans, some also living in Uganda, some summer interns, etc. It was a lot of fun and great to hear what everyone was doing here in Uganda. On the way there, Karin (from CA who doesn’t listen to country music) made a statement about how she never would have thought she would be on the way to a 4^th of July celebration, listening to country music, in Uganda.

This past weekend I went to Kampala with the Sasser’s to drop Karin off at the airport (and to go shopping and stay at a hotel with a real shower … ulterior motive … not important!) After driving all morning, shopping all afternoon for fabric and batting for the craft shop, and searching for the perfect gifts at the craft market we made our way to Fang Fang Chinese Restaurant. We sat on the little rooftop terrace, told the waiter to have the table of men behind the bushes to stop staring at us and ate some of the best Chinese food I’ve had. Then what did we do … went to the movie theatre and watched Transformers 3 … front row! “Am I really in Uganda?”

HA, yes I am. I may have taken 2 hot showers in less than 12 hours just because I could but I was certainly still in Uganda. I feel like I truly completed the full African experience by riding the Kalita bus home from Kampala. Chris boda-ed with me to the bus park … made sure I got a ticket and got on the correct bus and told me to make sure I told the person checking tickets that I needed to get off in Kaihura. I got on the bus and waited … and waited. An hour later, no joke, my shirt soaking with sweat we were finally off. I was in the backseat with 7 other people and as we approach Kyenjojo, 3.5 hours later the lady next to me decides it would be a good time to start throwing up. Thankfully into a bag. I gave her my water, she drank some and then tried to give it back … I politely refused.

I have a little less than 2 weeks left here. I don’t know where the summer went but it FLEW by … I am not and don’t think I ever will be ready to come home. I mean really, this morning I woke up and opened the curtains to find a cow staring at me. We made eye contact … it was as if he was saying good morning before he went on his way grazing!

I don’t know how I got so lucky to be blessed with this opportunity but I am forever grateful to everyone who has been praying for all of us back at home. I have learned so much this summer and can only continue to wait and see what God surprises me with next. His timing and plans for my life are nothing less than perfect!!

Some of you may remember me coming home last summer talking about a girl named Joyce that I formed a special bond with during the two weeks that I was here. Last year when the team came she had only been living at Dorcas for a few weeks. She didn’t speak any English and she clearly felt out of place and uncomfortable with her new environment. For some reason she and I had an instant friendship and I spent a lot of time with her, sort of looking out for her and even teaching her a few things. She was not attending school and had not been to school previously. I taught her to write her name, in the beginning it was similar to a preschooler trying to write their name. It was written backwards and the letters were a mirror image … eventually she got pretty good at it and just the other day I saw her write her name on a paper. (I like to think I had at least a little bit to do with that!)

I can’t even describe how happy I was to see her when I came back to Kaihura a couple weeks ago. There is a picture of her and me hugging and crying right before I left last year. I remember telling her I would be back to see her. The look on her face when I walked up to Home Again and she realized it was me was absolutely priceless. We were both smiling from ear to ear; I just grabbed her and hugged her as tight as I could. We were both crying … again.

I heard part of her story last year but have been able to hear the full story and am able to understand things a bit better. I would like to share it with you so you can all get to know Joyce and love her as much as I do!

Kanyana Joyce was born in 1999. She is 12 years old and has been living in Kaihura a little over a year. As much as the staff have tried and based off of various and often inconsistent stories from Joyce herself, efforts to identify her parents and where she was previously living in Uganda have been unsuccessful. Apparently she is originally from Rwanda … often times you can tell where a person originates by facial features and bone structure. It is believed that Joyce’s mother passed away leaving her to stay with her father and grandmother. Her father decided to leave and left Joyce under the care of her grandmother for about 2 years. The grandmother began mistreating her and Joyce decided to go in search of her father. The Kyenjojo police found her wandering and brought her to the Kaihura police station where she stayed for a couple days before leaving. She was found again and brought to Bringing Hope by the Kaihura Police. She was placed at Dorcas where she lived until Easter time.

When I found Joyce at Home Again this year when I arrived I wondered why she was no longer living up at Dorcas. I thought maybe she had finally been moved so she would be around more children her age. One afternoon I went to the office where all the files on the children are kept … I was trying to learn the stories and backgrounds of some of the children I have been working with. I found the answer to why Joyce had been moved. She walked down to the town centre one day and was defiled by a rogue man staying at the trading center. After this incident it was clear that Joyce needed to be living in an environment where she would be given more supervision and guidance.

She is now attending school. She is in P2 … the oldest in her class but at least she is in school. Her English has improved since last year and I can actually talk to her a little bit without total confusion. I just got back from spending a couple hours with her. I was swinging with her and some of the other children after school. And one day this week I am going to go shopping to get her some new shoes and socks for school and a few new clothes and personal items she never received when she came here last year.

(Wish I could post the 2 pictures I'm talking about but will have to do it later. Can't upload pictures onto this computer. My computer is broken ... hence the lack of blog posts!!)